Understanding the psychological phenomenon of mirroring is like turning on a flashlight in a dark room – it helps us see how we unknowingly reflect each other's inner world, the good and the not-so-good. It's a big deal as it significantly influences self-awareness, growth, and the healing process.
- Recognition: Understanding mirroring is vital for self-awareness, healing, personal growth and the rediscovery of one's authentic self.
- Revealing Internal Dynamics: Internal reactions to others, such as jealousy or anxiety, often unveil underlying insecurities and unresolved wounds.
- Extending Beyond Intimacy: The process of mirroring extends beyond intimate relationships to interactions with strangers
Mirroring is a psychological phenomenon where we, as humans, unconsciously reflect or mirror each others inner wounds, as well as our unrealized potential. It's vital for us to recognize that everyone is mirroring a hidden part of ourselves – some good, and some bad. At any moment, we may unwittingly reflect or trigger another person's wounds or potential, while others are also reflecting or triggering our own inner turmoil and potential. Recognizing the mirroring effect is so important for your self-awareness and healing.
Once you start to become aware of the mirrors around you it is a pretty cool process to see unfold!
This mirroring effect not only comes from those close to you—friends, family, partners—but also from acquaintances and strangers on the street. It also doesn't come from the words someone says to you, but through unconscious action or non-action.
Initially, I struggled to grasp this mirroring effect, so allow me to illustrate with a few examples.
Imagine you are walking down the street, and you see an extremely attractive man or woman standing in front of a coffee shop. This oddly elicits a negative emotion from you, such as jealousy or judgement. You start negatively judging this person based on their appearance. Your mind immediately tries to tear them down with thoughts such as, 'they have definitely had work done', 'they are too thin or too muscular', 'they have probably had such an easy life', 'they are probably a horrible person', 'they only get by on their looks'. This is not a reflection of them, this is actually a reflection of your internal world. That person is unknowingly mirroring your subconscious beliefs and unacknowledged wounds back to you.
I know you're probably thinking that you don't do that, and you aren't focused on other people, but yes, you do, and yes, you are. We all do it... I did it the other day.
This is the fun part! Let's break down that scenario and see where you are harbouring wounding.
If you're feeling jealousy when it comes to someone's physical appearance and you start tearing them down then chances are you are lacking love and respect for yourself. You struggle with self-confidence, and have insecurities that need to be faced. Your insecurities could be with one or more of your physical traits, and you could also have a tendency to body shame yourself. This doesn't have to mean that you obsess over your body or the way you look constantly, it could be little nit-picky negative comments here or there when you look in the mirror (those negative comments add up to a very strong belief system)! There could also be an ongoing comparison game that you've been participating in since a young age. You probably have judged yourself against your friends, family members or celebrities. You may also place a high value on looks (whether you want to admit that or not), possibly stemming from rejection at a young age – this could be from a comment someone made about your appearance or someone calling you a nickname in school that latched onto your belief system.
These thoughts about the stranger could also indicate you have yet to acknowledge the shadow parts of yourself, as well as the wounds from your past. You may feel your hard work goes unnoticed while others succeed effortlessly, reenforcing the incorrect belief that you are never good enough. You could have a lot of negative energy stuck within because you have yet to process this wounding. This then manifests in a form of anger and hatred towards yourself, and your past, and you end up project your anger onto others through thought patterns of prejudgment. This negative energy stays stuck within you until you are able to finally become aware of it, face it, acknowledge it, and feel it.
Isn't it incredible how a small judgment or act of jealousy reflects so much of what's going on inside of you, if you would only just take a moment to reflect and dive inwards.
Let's consider another example, this time involving a relationship. Suppose your partner is going out for a 'boys night' or 'girls night', causing you some nervousness despite their faithful history. As they leave, anxiety sets in. Thoughts like 'they're going to find someone better than me', 'they're going to cheat', 'they're going to leave me', 'they're probably bored of me', 'they're probably tired of my emotions', 'they'll find someone new that's more fun', 'I should start doing more things with them or for them', 'I'm going to lose them', all flood your mind. Internally, you are going berserk!
This immediately reveals a lack of self-love and self-worth. You have been placing all of your worth and love externally – in the hands of others – and so your immediate reaction is to question your worth. You have placed your partner, and even strangers, on a pedestal above you, and believe they are better than you. Your inner child is most likely screaming at you to give them the love you keep grasping for externally.
You probably have yet to acknowledge and accept all parts of you, including your shadow side. You may also have insecurities when it comes to your physical features, but these insecurities could also stem from inner traits that you tend to hide away and are ashamed of. Since you yourself are tired of these traits that you try to hide, you project that others will grow tired of it too. However, as you push it away you are actually rejecting your own full self and your inner child, just as others did when you were young, and this is doing more damage to your inner world. You most likely have a deep rooted belief that you're good enough, and this could all be based off of one comment that someone made in your past.
In addition to this, you probably have abandonment wounds that contribute to these feelings of inadequacy, that you have yet to acknowledge and become aware of. And this doesn't have to mean that someone cheated on you before, it could be from experiencing death, or friends and family members rejecting you (there are many different forms).
As you can see, your buried subconscious beliefs and past wounds will surface as a fear based emotional reaction - anger, anxiety, frustration, etc. These triggers all reveal where you harbour wounds and pain within yourself. You just have to start to look in order to acknowledge them, release them and start to sit in an energy of peace and happiness.
Now, let's look at an example where someone is mirroring your potential or your authentic self.
Let's say you're hanging out with a friend you haven't seen in a long time. You love being around this person because it's fun and easy going. You feel like this person just gets you and you feel so comfortable around them. You're more talkative and quick witted, you can act silly, and you have no care in the world if people judge you for dancing in public or playing like a little kid again. You're just free. In this moment, you are sitting in your authentic self. However, when this person is no longer around you, you feel the walls sliding back into place. You feel like you can't go dancing down the street, you sink into being quiet and holding back, you start notice when people are looking at you, and worry about people judging you again.
Sitting in these fear based emotions is the person you have created over time, not who you truly are. The reason you love hanging out with that friend so much is because they are mirroring to you what it's like to be open and living in your soul essence. Your friend is not the reason that you were happy, open, and free. They did not change you, they just opened the door to your authenticity. You've been craving your soul energy and authentic self, and in that moment it shined through.
We tend to do this a lot with romantic relationships where we think the other person brings out the best in us and you can't be as happy, fun or free unless you're with them, which as we can see is absolutely not true.
So, when someone is mirroring your potential and your inner most authentic self you will feel emotions of freedom, euphoria, and inner peace within you. You may feel weight lifted off your shoulders and this feeling of openness. You have just had a glimpse into what your own soul energy was before you started the process of build up your walls for "protection" from a young age and embodying labels (every single human does this, don't think you're exempt – this is why inner child healing is so important). All you need to do is dive inwards, become aware of your wounds and where they stem from, and brick by brick deconstruct those walls. Remember, this is not because of the other person's energy, this is all from within you! Once you leave that person's presence you may start to close up again because your nervous system feels safer in its 'comfortable pain'.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven
It's up to us to choose the unfamiliar in order to receive happiness and peace internally and externally (as within, so without) that we have been searching for. At our cores, we are all the high vibrational soul energy of love based emotions – feelings of happiness, excitement, and freedom. The universe is showing us our unhealed wounding all the time because through pain comes the most amount of growth and change. Once you face your inner wounds, your reactions will no longer be driven by your past, your mind will be calm, and you can sit in your soul essence of peace.
Becoming aware of the mirroring effect provides an opportunity to explore the source of your emotions and reactions, and recognize that the emotions triggered in your interactions may be linked to your own unresolved wounds. It's a crucial step in the healing and changing your life. Remember, your inner world is everything.