Not that long ago, I was a mess.
But I did the hard work.
You think your job or physical training is tough?
Try digging into the depths of your soul and unraveling everything you thought you were.
Try facing your fears, your patterns, your pain.
That’s real work.
The truth is, I would not have met Mark, not in the way we met, not at the level we’ve connected, if I hadn’t done the inner work.
If I hadn’t healed, I would still be stuck in the same karmic loop, learning the same lessons in slightly different packaging.
I would have continued to subconsciously disrespect myself by having no boundaries or letting others cross them.
I would still be grasping at men and calling attention “love.”
Energetically begging someone to choose me, to validate me, to see me.
I would still be one foot out the door because if I’m half out, then it won’t hurt as much when they leave.
I would still believe that I’m not good enough, that everyone leaves, that love hurts.
I would still say I’m open and communicative, when in reality I was terrified of hard conversations.
I hid my feelings, both in friendships and in romance, afraid that being honest would make them walk away.
But how could I communicate, when I didn’t even know myself?
How could I be vulnerable, when I was blocked off from my truth?
How could I love, when I had walls around my heart and one foot always ready to run?
How could I receive the relationship I prayed for, when I wasn’t embodying the energy of it?
The universe was always showing me. Always mirroring my own inner state back to me – through people, through relationships, through patterns.
It gave me emotionally unavailable men, because deep down, I was emotionally unavailable.
It gave me people who didn’t communicate, didn’t open up, had walls, acted childish, and I wanted to blame them.
But I was describing myself.
That’s when I started to turn everything inward.
Instead of saying “Why are they like this?”
I started asking “What is this showing me about me?”
That’s when everything began to shift.
And then came Mark.
The relationship didn’t erase the work — it demanded even more of it. It asked me to apply everything I had learned.
I had to speak up when I was hurt. I had to say what I would and would not tolerate.
I had to use words (not ghosting, yelling, or walking away like I used to when fear took over).
When something triggered me, I had to sit in it.
Not rant to friends who would validate me out of love (even though I adore them for it).
But to sit. To feel. To listen to my intuition, the part of me that always knows.
To ask: Why did this hurt? What wound did it touch?
And then talk to him.
Let him know.
Tell him what I needed. Ask him what he needed.
And do that again… and again… and again.
At the beginning, it happened often, the old pain showing up, testing me.
I had to be more open than I had ever been.
I had to let Mark in so deeply that he could have walked away.
And I had to risk that, because otherwise I wasn’t being honest.
I was still holding pain. Still holding love for those who hurt me.
But I shared it anyway. I was still healing, but I was also ready.
And because of that openness, there are no walls between us.
That’s what created safety.
That’s what created trust.
That’s what created Unstuckself – the permission I gave myself to be real, not polished.
Not a highlight reel. Not perfection on social media.
But truth.
And that truth has helped me connect with so many others. People who are still stuck in their loops, aching to break free. Men and women with walls around their hearts, just like I once had.
Mark and I still have things we’re healing. But the beauty is that we heal in the relationship. We don’t run from it. We feel through it.
And he’s taught me so much.
Our relationship is full of openness, even about the past.
And that’s where I’ve learned the most.
We talk about our exes. There’s no jealousy, no judgment.
Only gratitude.
They helped shape him. They taught him lessons that allowed him to love me the way he does.
Just like my past relationships shaped me.
And because of that — so much has been brought to the surface, so much has been healed.
Everything’s out in the open. Nothing’s hidden. And it feels safe.
But here’s the most important part:
I could have ended up in another relationship before this one.
I could have settled.
But it would’ve been another karmic cycle. Another painful lesson disguised as love.
Same pattern, different body.
And I didn’t want to keep reliving it.
I chose to heal. I chose to face myself. I chose to stop blaming others and start taking full responsibility for me and my life.
And because of that choice, I shifted timelines (I literally felt the energetic shift).
I stepped off the wheel of karmic repetition.
I no longer resonate with the pain I used to call love.
This relationship isn’t luck. It’s the result of a transformation.
A reflection of my inner world finally aligning with what I’ve always wanted.
And now, I live it.
And I get to guide others toward it too.
