For those who feel like you're just going through the motions.
For those who feel like you're numb.
For those who feel like you're never going to be happy again.
For those who feel like you're defeated.
For those who feel like the universe is against you.
For those who feel like you're never good enough.
For those who feel like you're never going to be excited by life again.
The universe is not after you. There's nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are not unworthy. You are not 'not good enough'. You are not going to feel this way forever.
Life happens and brings with it events that you never see coming, experiences that you wish you could erase from your memory, and moments that brought life as you knew it crashing down. It's heartbreaking, it's painful.
Friends and family may tell you to move on, or let it go. But you will not let it go by willing it on yourself or pretending you do not care anymore.
As much as I wish I could say that time heals all, time does not – only you can heal you.
As much as I wish I could say you'll feel your spark again soon, I cannot – some experiences request that we take a long period of time to process and heal before we can move forward.
There is no set timeline. There is no healing drug. But I can say that you will make it through this; you will find that spark again.
Think back to the past, to all the times you never thought you would make it through a painful experience, and you did. You learned, you grew, and your life changed for the better... it was all at the other end of the tunnel that you could not yet see.
You will find your spark again, and it begins when you finally realize that you will not find the peace and happiness you desire by standing stuck in that dark tunnel. The only way out is by taking a step forward.
You will find your spark again when you focus your energy on you. You will find your spark again when you start to create the life you want to be living.
Start to do all the small things that tug a little smile on your face. Take up hobbies you used to enjoy and allow yourself the freedom to learn new ones. Try going for walks, going for runs. Learn to paint, draw, play the guitar or piano, learn a new computer program, learn to cook. Take bike rides, long drives, write notes, write songs. Try snowboarding, mountain biking, tennis.
Try and fail, try and succeed.
Give yourself the chance to find happiness in the small things again. Give yourself the opportunity to actually find out what makes you truly happy. Give yourself permission to make new choices that could bring you that happiness. Find the courage to do what your heart truly desires.
You will realize one day that your spark is back when you look around and are so immersed in a life that you find engaging, exciting, and passionate... without dependance on another individual. You need to do these things solo. You need to find your sense of happiness solo.
Finding your spark again and letting go of the past is a balancing act. You will do all of the above, and you will still have moments of pain wash over you. You'll have moments where you feel like you've gone backwards and nothing is working. I promise you, it is.
One day, you will wake up and see the changes – feel the changes. Allow the process of grief and pain to move through you. Allow the good and the bad days. Don't try to force yourself not to care, don't try to hold back your tears, don't force yourself to go out if you feel like curling up in a ball. Listen to your needs. Fall to pieces, be a mess, scream, cry, be angry. Be upset for as long as you need.
If you can't let go, then don't let go. Just take the first step and ask yourself what is something you've always wanted to try or miss doing, and do that for today.
Something my best friend and I said to each other when we didn’t think we would make it through our dark times was day by day, minute by minute.
Take that 'day by day, minute by minute' motto and choose you. Focus on yourself. Put yourself first.
When you start choosing you rather than what you think people expect of you, when you start choosing what takes courage rather than what is easy, when you starting choosing love rather than staying stuck in fear and when you start choosing the things you know make you happy rather than the things that are comfortable, you will see your spark come back.